QotD (MDRF weekend 1 version)

She has two men. I hope she doesn't need a cucumber.
~ATW

Small mug = S.M.U.G. (in reference to the small mug that I wear around my neck ... because it's not for sale)
~A patron

Can you hold my staff while I go?
~A drunk patron at the privs

Mugs with the right attitude help you relax.
~A patron

What does an egg separator do? It separates the eggs from one another.
~Dad to his daughter

Me to patron: You look healthy.
Patron: Yea! Like a Clydesdale.

Wrap Pants Violation = new cover band name

When the young Miss Marguerite cannot remember my name, she calls me the 'other Panda'.